Lepre-Con 2016: Get Off My Lawn

The human and I decided to take the dogs out for a run today.  Somewhere along First Street, I realized our “run” had become more of a walk/obstacle course.  On the sidewalks, everyone was pausing at odd intervals, saying hello like a bro (to other bros) and looking (and smelling) plastered.  That’s not all that uncommon for Hoboken.  Actually, that’s what Hoboken is known for.  However, this sort of thing is generally reserved for Friday and Saturday nights, between the hours of 10pm and 3am.  It was the middle of the afternoon; the sun was shining brightly.  We weren’t even on Washington.  Yes, this was a little unseemly, even for Hoboken.

Towards the begin of our run, everyone looked basically normal, minus the awkward pausing and unpredictable side movement.  However, as we neared Washington Street, a theme began to emerge:  a splash of green became sea of green.

I began to count the number of sorority-looking girls stumbling around in heels (and green t-shits) and the number of slightly-less-sorority-looking girls walking smoothly (in sneakers) but with completely glazed eyes that betrayed just how much focus was being channeled to perform this feat.

Behind the glazed eyes, one girl was thinking, “I hope no one can tell how trashed I am.  I’m walking straight, right?  See, I can walk straight.  I’m fine.”  No, dear, you are not fine.  It is 4pm.  By 4:30pm, if you are lucky, you will be puking into the toilet of one of Hoboken’s finest generic ‘Irish’ pubs.  If you are not lucky,…

In case you are wondering, “What the heck?” like I was wondering, I’ll tell you.  And, no, don’t check your calendar.  You didn’t miss St. Patrick’s Day.  St. Patrick’s Day is March 17.  Today is March 5.  No, this is fake St. Paddy’s day, 12 days early, otherwise known as “Lepre-Con.”  Lepre-Con sprung up in response to the banning of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Hoboken.

The mayor of Hoboken has basically declared war on St. Patrick’s Day.   I can’t say that I blame her.  The ban was due to general mayhem and actives like young women walking into record stores and peeing on the merchandise.  The guys in blue (with yellow badges) that were roaming the streets in packs this afternoon are costing the city $111k in overtime pay today.  Wowza!  (The city is only one square mile.)

According to a local barber, “Under no circumstances should you leave your home on St. Patrick’s Day (in Hoboken.)”  If you’d like to read why:

For Hoboken, a Day of Revelry Is Overwhelmed by Lawlessness-New York Times

“Firefighters responding to a backyard blaze were greeted by revelers on a balcony who spat down and also poured beer at them. Then someone threw a flower planter down, the fire chief, Richard Blohm, said.” – March 8, 2011

Edward Not-So-Sharp at MoMA 2015-03-14 022

 

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