A Blade to the Heart

Sunday morning, Edward confessed he was a huge Audrey Hepburn fan and set off to go have breakfast at Tiffany’s.  Before he left, I taped my business card to the back his blade, just in case he got lost.

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That turned out to be a good move on my part because around 11a.m. I got a phone call from a good samaritan at Olive in Soho, reporting that a melancholy knife was looking weepy in the window.  When my husband and I finally got to the restaurant, almost an hour later, Edward was still there practically crying in his sandwich.  From what I could tell, he hadn’t even touched it.

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We asked him what was wrong.  It turned out that Edward hadn’t been entirely straight with us.  We knew he’d gone to a Shanghai Mermaid party on Saturday night.  What we didn’t know was that, in addition to having a pretty great time there, he’d also met a pretty swell dame: a fillet knife named Josephine.  Apparently she had been dressed to kill in a flapper number, flamboyant and witty to boot.

Edward had set off Sunday morning to buy her a (very expensive) token of his affection.  After buying said token, he sat down at Olive for a sandwich.  It was there that he took out his iPhone and saw that Josephine had just posted a rather suggestive looking selfie with a machete named Eduardo.  Edward was devastated.

I told Edward he had to pull it together.  I told him that his biggest problem was not Josephine, but the limp excuse for sourdough on his plate.  I swept his lunch into the trash bin and said, “When I’m sad, I go to Chinatown.”

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And so we did…

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We set out for Chinatown and had a grand time.  We saw red lanterns and fruit stands, fish markets and dried mushrooms.

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And, finally, we made it to the place we’d all been waiting for, Xi’an Famous Foods!

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Xi’an Famous Foods is a beloved hole in the wall that sells Chinese street food for cheap.  They don’t have all of my favorites, but I would never hesitate to drop in on a cold, misty day for a steaming, hot bowl of dumplings.

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We told Edward not to worry:  Dumplings make everything better!

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And they did.  THE END.

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9 thoughts on “A Blade to the Heart

  1. And so Edward remains on the cutting edge of tourist life, thanks to Wormy’s warm heart. Yuuuuuuuum. Chinese dumplings from Chinatown street eatery. Eduardo the Machete can’t be carving a swath that interesting, me thinks. Hey Wormy, what do we call that room temp, oh-so-delicious brown dipping sauce for Chinese dumplings that I’ve been submerging my wontons in anonymously all these years?

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    1. The short answer is: I have no idea! In my experience, dumplings are traditionally served with a mixture of Chinkiang vinegar, soy sauce and chili oil, with an emphasis on vinegar. Also in my experience, American Chinese food bears only a vague resemblance to Chinese Chinese food. I’m guessing you had something different, maybe something mostly soy sauce based mixed with broth? I’m hesitant to make blanket statements because China is a big country and the food is very regional. I had a Chinese friend from Chengdu who moved to Shanghai who told me the food in Shanghai was horrible. It’s a common complaint. People take pride in their local cuisine, and there is considerable variation. I’m most well-versed in Sichuanese food. That’s where I lived the longest and what my husband and I cook at home on most nights.

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  2. You know, I think if you processed the pictures in black and white and pieced them together as a slide show, you would have one heck of a film noir-esque short-film contender for the Oscars next year.

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  3. I think in the States, the dumpling sauce is often mirin and soy, maybe with ginger and scallions. I must confess Mark, that I love it too! Of course, that doesn’t make it “real,” but it’s really tasty. I also like the super hot mustard that melts your brain…not that nasty stuff in the packet. 🙂

    The pictures are awesome. You should start an underground tour business (and dating site for cutlery.)

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